I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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