Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
