you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
