the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
