If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize