Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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