so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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