We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
