he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
