I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
