I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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