I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
how drunk are you?
Several
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
