sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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