Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
