after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
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In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
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This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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