oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
We smell like vodka and hangover
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