is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
