the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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