she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
