Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
