sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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