Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
