elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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