Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I can't put those talents on a resume
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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