When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
