you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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