Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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