i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Actions speak louder than pants.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
