She is in my trunk
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
