GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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