Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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