Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
