I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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