Christians are straight up FREAKS
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
