Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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