apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
