I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
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I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
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The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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