Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
