what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
