Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
My vagina is officially offended.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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