I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
