May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
