This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
