she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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