dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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