Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
