oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
