We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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