You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
