Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
