I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
