ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize