So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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