I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
