I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
