Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
My cat gives me a boner
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
