i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
