I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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