my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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