i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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